In brief: Friendship after divorce - high-conflict edition

In this episode, Kate unpacks what it’s like to navigate shared friendships after a high-conflict split - and offers guidance for the friends caught in the middle.

About the episode:

Kate begins by exploring how high-conflict separations can disrupt friendships and social circles, often leaving ex-partners feeling sidelined or isolated. She then shares practical guidance for separated couples - from setting clear boundaries to allowing space to grieve the loss of old friendship dynamics. The episode wraps up with advice for friends who want to support both sides, including why it’s important to avoid acting as a go-between and how to check in privately in a way that feels safe and supportive.

How to help a friend through a high-conflict separation

If someone in your friend group is going through a separation, small gestures of care can make a big difference - especially if there is a lot of tension between them. Here are some simple ways to support both people:

• Offer to listen without providing solutions
• Make sure they feel safe and cared for
• Share compassion, but avoid taking sides or being the go-between
• If certain boundaries are set, do your best to honour them (where practically possible)
• Accept that your friendship with both of them (and the wider group) could change
• Try to avoid being pulled into gossip or rumours
• Remember to prioritise your wellbeing

You can find out more from our guide to helping a friend or family member through separation.

More resources:

The studies mentioned in this episode are Amato (2000), Afifi et al. (2015) and Symoens et al. (2013).

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